Un-pimp your ride.

Being an alignment specialist, my facilities have often been listed under Alignment in the phone book. Which means that yes, I have received the inevitable phone call, asking how much I charge for fixing mal-aligned tires.

These, calls, I figure, are the universe’s attempt to balance my karma after that Crank Call spell I went through when I was about twenty-five. My calls included:

A phone call to an aesthetician to inquire how small my face needed to be to qualify for the mini-facial.

A phone call to a manicurist, asking if I could get 10% off the pedicure fee because I only had 9 toes.

A phone call to a Pilates studio asking to know more about their Pilates Training program because I couldn’t wait to become a Pilot, and if that fee included gas for my solo flight.

And, the worst one ever: A phone call to the local gym’s daycare, asking how they would charge me if I brought my conjoined twins in. I, on the call, explained that I didn’t feel I needed to pay for two full children, because they couldn’t actually run in different directions, therefore easing the burden on staff.

In an attempt to right my karma, as well as offer some sort of service to the lovahs of all things vehicular, I present Aligning Your Drive.

This is a quick list of what you can do in regards to your car, to make driving less harmful to your back. There’s not much you can do about what it does for your knees and hips, but at least we can do something to take you out of the posterior pelvic tilt. Which means, if you have (or don’t want to have) any sort of lumbar spine or pelvic floor issue, follow these guidelines.

Katy’s Car Guidelines:

1. Use the car as little as possible.

Sorry. I had to say it. You just have to reduce the amount of time you drive. If it can’t come off your commute, then look for anywhere else you can reduce. And, P.S. There’s a good chance that a bus or train go where you’re headed. And, you can stand up if you utilize those options.

2. Don’t sit like a gangsta.

Instead, use the manufacturer’s foot rest (the left-most "mystery" pedal)

to align your hips, knees, and pelvis while driving.

And, keep both hands on the wheel. Not in like a "I'm your dad and I'm telling you to keep your hands on the wheel" kind of way, but in a "keep your hands on the wheel to keep your shoulders square" kind of way.

Please note: These guidelines are also for gangsters. Gangsters who covet joint health, that is.

3. Bolster your car seat to 90°.

The seat in my car is not 90° to a vertical back support.

The only way you can sit with a neutral pelvis is to turn this:

into this:

First, bring the seat back up until it is vertical. Then, use a towel, or whatever else you can find around the house to fill the seat void.

And, please note that we are not making a lumbar support here. The idea is to get the pelvis and lumbar curve back where they belong, not to support the spine in a bad position. You know what I mean?

4. Don’t exit the vehicle like with your parts going in all different directions. Applying a few basic vectors to the photo, you can see that the foot, knee, and pelvis are all traveling their own path.

Guess which body part loses in this scenario? If you guess the knee, then you’re right. Instead, turn your pelvis and thigh to align with the grounded foot first

then get out of the car. Unless you’re wearing a 5” long miniskirt, 5” inch heels, and forgot your underwear. And your manners. Then go ahead and get out of the car however you want. You’re probably not reading the blog anyways.

5. Don’t do this:

6. Or this:

7. And definitely don't do this:

The end. I have a strange hankering to watch Office Space now.

Gangsta.